i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
