Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
