i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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