Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
