You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
