I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
