i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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