Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
