i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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