no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
