her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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