ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've blown a few things in my day
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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