i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
