Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
