I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
