mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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