his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
