I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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