It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
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Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
where are my eyebrows?
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