The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she peed on how many people?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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