hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
