i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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