She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
