he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
