I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize