reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
