its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
