Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize