My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
