Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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