Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
