There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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