Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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