he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
