Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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