i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
