would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
