i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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