She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
