Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
