Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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