I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
