Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
