I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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