I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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