There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
