She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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