Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
