those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
