I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We talked him into tasing himself.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
