Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The power of my boobs compel you
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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