i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just wanna be euthanized
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.