Texts From Last Night

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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

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  (339): I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion. http://tfl.nu/m237
  Replies (93) Good night (5413) Bad night (2142)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

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  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (6409) Bad night (1002)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?

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  (251): if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me? http://tfl.nu/7eei
  Replies (26) Good night (7020) Bad night (866)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow

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  (404): I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow http://tfl.nu/bfg7
  Replies (14) Good night (3402) Bad night (1478)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit

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  (973): i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit http://tfl.nu/ux8z
  Replies (18) Good night (4046) Bad night (1665)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal

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  (706): saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal http://tfl.nu/ml27
  Replies (11) Good night (4838) Bad night (2138)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  did you find a tooth?

  (254): View more from Texas

  did you lose one?

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  (512): did you find a tooth? (254): did you lose one? http://tfl.nu/1ieh
  Replies (16) Good night (3720) Bad night (1495)
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  (916): View more from California

  Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash

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  (916): Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash http://tfl.nu/rtwe
  Replies (9) Good night (2415) Bad night (736)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.

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  (412): i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule. http://tfl.nu/st8v
  Replies (6) Good night (1477) Bad night (840)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...

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  (607): I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street... http://tfl.nu/0y14
  Replies (11) Good night (1539) Bad night (557)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.

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  (570): She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/lhd6
  Replies (0) Good night (1392) Bad night (498)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom

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  (610): I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom http://tfl.nu/d66w
  Replies (5) Good night (887) Bad night (423)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk

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  (253): Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk http://tfl.nu/8gkz
  Replies (2) Good night (392) Bad night (601)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  YOU ARE MY HERO

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  (609): I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet... (856): YOU ARE MY HERO http://tfl.nu/qvso
  Replies (8) Good night (779) Bad night (453)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?

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  (336): Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid? http://tfl.nu/9dj6
  Replies (3) Good night (478) Bad night (237)

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