So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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