ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
