Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
