May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
