angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize