I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
