Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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