South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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