I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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