You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
