woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's official drugs can't kill me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
