maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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