I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
