yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
