Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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