He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
