im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
