It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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