She said her name was "party"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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