dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
