I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
