I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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