Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
