found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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