carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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