I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
