I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
