i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
